A 3-Step Strategy Guide for Parents Living Apart

How to build a connected family life when one parent works away

Hello, my name is Rhoda Bangerter. In episodes #89, #90 and #91 of Holding the Fort Abroad, I share both my lived experience and research-based knowledge of how to stay connected as a family when a parent works away from home a lot. Since 2019, I have been supporting families where one parent works away from home, either through frequent work travel or because they work in a different country than their partner and child/ren.  I am certified coach, providing one-on-one support to help you overcome the challenges this life can bring to enjoy its silver linings. Find out more here.

In the three-part podcast series, I delve into what you can do to stay connected when your partner works away from home.

You might be wondering: How can we still feel like a family when we’re miles apart?

The good news? You’re not alone and it’s possible to build a strong, connected family across distance. Here’s a simple, research-backed 3-step strategy to help you do exactly that.

1. Recognise Your Family Structure (and Name It)

Many families try to just get on with it, but that often leads to stress, confusion, and sometimes regret later on. The truth is: your family isn’t broken or unusual.  You are a multi-location family.

Why this matters

When you don’t name your situation properly:

• You underestimate the emotional load
• You internalise stress (“Why is this so hard?”)
• Children struggle to make sense of what’s happening

When you do name it:

• You create clarity
• You normalise the experience
• You can start putting the right support systems in place

Language matters and some labels can damage family dynamics.

Avoid labels that reduce the travelling parent’s role and increase pressure on the parent at home:

• Absent parent
• Single parent (if you’re still partnered)
• The one who’s never here

Instead, use:

• Travelling parent
• Parent at home
• We’re a family living across locations

Practical tips

• ✔️ Do a language audit: What words do you use to describe your situation?
• ✔️ Create a shared family narrative: “We’re doing this as a family.”
• ✔️ Explain it to your children clearly so they feel secure, not confused

Dive into the full episode here: #89 Travelling Parents Part 1: Do A Language Audit

2. Reframe As Teamwork

Once you’ve recognised your family structure, the next step is to change how you talk and think about it.

Strong families living apart don’t operate as “you vs me”—they operate as a team.

In fact, in interviews with adults who grew up in these families, the words “family” and “together” came up again and again—even when parents lived apart.

Shift from “I” to “We”

Instead of:

• “I’m handling everything at home”
• “They’re away all the time”

Try:

• “This is what we’re doing for our family”
• “This is a phase we’re navigating together”

This subtle shift reduces resentment and strengthens connection.

Think of your family as a shared project

It may sound unromantic—but it works.

Your family is a joint project with:

• Stakeholders (you, your partner, your children, extended family)
• Goals (connection, stability, wellbeing)
• Processes (communication, routines, rituals)

When everyone feels included, the system works better.

Create family rituals (even across distance)

Connection isn’t about proximity—it’s about consistency.

Examples:

• Weekly video dinner together
• A shared “movie night” from different countries
• Travel countdown rituals before reunions

As one participant put it:

“The important thing is finding things you enjoy doing together as a family.”

Practical tips

• ✔️ Use “we” language intentionally in front of your children
• ✔️ Build simple rituals that happen no matter the distance
• ✔️ Celebrate wins together, even small ones

Listen to the full episode here: #90 Travelling Parents Part 2: Reenforce Work Travel As A Family Project

3. Reinforce the Bond Across the Distance

Now comes a key piece: how you actively maintain connection between the travelling parent, the parent at home, and the child.

When this triangle is strong, the family stays connected—even across continents.

The role of the travelling parent

Interestingly, constant communication isn’t always what matters most. Research shows that children often felt connected because:

1. The travelling parent stayed informed via regular communication with the Parent At Home. T
2. They were fully present when home.
3. They showed genuine interest in the child’s life

The role of the parent at home

This role is crucial.

The parent at home acts as the bridge: keeping the child informed about the travelling parent, keeping the travelling parent updated. They facilitate communication. With teens, encourage them to have their own 1:1 relationship with their travelling parent. Refer them to their travelling parent if they have questions or need help.

Even more importantly, the Parent At Home shapes the child’s perception.

A positive portrayal makes a huge difference:

One person described how their mother consistently reinforced that their father was working away for the family, helping maintain a strong bond.

Small actions, big impact

Sometimes connection comes from simple things.

One child shared:

“I would write a sticky note and put it on their bedroom door… and when my dad came home, he would write one back.”

It’s not about grand gestures, it’s about continuity.

Practical tips

• Keep each other informed: share updates both ways
• Facilitate contact, especially for younger children
• Be present at home, when home: prioritise quality time
• Create small connection rituals (notes, messages, shared routines)

Final Thoughts

Living apart as a family isn’t easy, but it’s also not a disadvantage by default.

When you:

1. Recognise and name your family structure
2. Reframe your mindset as “we”
3. Actively reinforce connection across the distance

You move from survival mode to intentional family life. And that’s where real connection happens.

Listen to the full episode here: #91 Travelling Parents Part 3: Re-enforce The Bond Across the Distance – with Rhoda Bangerter – Rhoda Bangerter

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