Apart But Together
The resource center for thriving split location families
Create a Strong and Happy Family Unit Even When Living Apart
Families where one partner is away a lot for work or is living and working in another country for long periods don't often realise they are under more pressure than families who don't have this lifestyle.
The risk is that each parent becomes overly stressed, that you begin to live two different lives and that the parent who is away loses the relationship with their children.
In some cases, it can lead to mental health challenges, serious conflict in the relationship, divorce or unhappy children
However, I truly believe that split location families can build a strong unit, be a happy family with happy individuals even when living apart. I have witnessed families who are living this reality.
But in order to do that there needs to be intentionality in creating strong bonds and staying connected through the distance.
Our family has lived this lifestyle for 18 years. First as my husband travelled as a humanitarian, sometimes to countries in conflict. Then as a split location family between 2019-2021, when he was Head of Cooperation for the Swiss Foreign Service. I stayed in Switzerland with our two boys. As a wife and mother of two, it was important for me to know how to reduce the stress that this was bringing into my life. We learned how to reconnect after his trips, to grow our relationship over the years and to include him in parenting our children. It certainly takes creativity!
Since 2019, I have spoken with hundreds of families who live like ours and I have dedicated my work life to finding out how families make frequent business travel and split family assignments work. This led me to write the book “Holding the Fort Abroad” and develop the 5 Pillar framework to help my clients navigate their long distance relationship, support themselves and their family through this experience.
The 5 Pillars to Live Apart But Together:
Pillar 1:
Wellbeing
Pillar 2:
Partnership
Pillar 3:
Parenting Together
Pillar 4:
Smooth Transitions
Pillar 5:
Emergencies & Dangerous Locations
Therefore, when you join this program,
you will learn how to:
You are the partner at home and you may be feeling overwhelmed and stuck doing all the chores, taking care of the children and maybe also working outside of home. This is a lot! The resources in Pillar 1 are specifically designed with you in mind. It is essential that you find creative ways to make this life work for you too.
Ex: You feel exhausted and you are not sure how you can carry on. You feel like you are failing → You will learn how to implement stress relieving tools that work for this life and feel reduce overwhelm.
One of the dangers of this life is that you and your partner start living separate lives. However, many couples have also found that this lifestyle has allowed them to become even closer together. How is it possible? The resources in Pillar 2 will help you lean into your relationship, especially when geographically apart.
Ex: You feel disconnected from your partner. You will learn how to grow your friendship and grow closer together, even when apart.
Is distance a good enough excuse for your partner not to be involved in parenting? In my opinion, no is the answer to that question. With creativity and willingness on their part, you both can parent together. If they are not willing to get involved, you will not be able to force them. In either case, invite them into the process, encourage them and support them in developing their own relationship one on one with each child using the resources in Pillar 3.
Ex: You feel like a single parent→ You will learn what you can do to include your partner in parenting without ever demanding or forcing them to change.
This life is full of transition times: when the travelling parent leaves, when the travelling parent comes back. You may even be experiencing a transition in a transition if you are also planning your next posting to a new country. Learn the difference between change and transition, learn what needs to be anchored during those times and the essentials for steadier transitions.
Ex: When your partner comes home after a trip, you both feel conflictual and frustrated→ You will learn why these transition times are difficult and learn to be more intentional in navigating these reconnection times.
It’s hard to stay calm if you know that your partner is in a warzone or a place where crime is high. I have collected top tips from people who have lived it. Burying our head in the sand will not work in the long-term. It is also essential to be prepared in case of an emergency and you are not in the same country. Pillar 5 has the resources you need.
Ex: Something always breaks the minute your partner leaves again for work→ You will learn how to prepare for curveballs and emergencies so that you are not thrown overboard during turbulent times.
What The "Apart But Together" Program Includes:
⭐ Lifetime access to research based strategies to address your challenges in each pillar.
⭐ Monthly group calls over a period of 6 months to get inspiration, encouragement and answers to your questions.
⭐ Access to all future updates and additional resources.
Pick and Choose what will be helpful for you when need it:
You do not have to go through all the resources of the Resource Center to benefit from it. You can simply pick the topics that are the most relevant to you at the moment, and come back to it when confronted with specific challenges related to another pillar.
Examples of resources you will find in the Resource Center:
Personal Wellbeing and Development
for the Holding the Fort Partner
Top Tip Sheets
• Managing intense emotions
• Reducing the impact of stress on your life
Workbooks
• Life Balance & Life Satisfaction Survey (specifically designed for this lifestyle)
• Know how to get the help you need (workshop in development)
• Personal Development Plan
• Overcoming Resentment
Workshop recording with accompanying Worksheet
• Planting SEEDS for your future when you don’t know what you want to do (my trademark framework)
Strong Couples
Top Tip Sheets
• Get to know your partner better when apart
• How to have a strong long-distance relationship
Course
• 1x cross cultural communication course which includes 7 lessons to improve communication specifically at a distance. Being raised in two different family cultures means that you are de facto in a intercultural relationship.
Parenting together
Workshop recordings with workbook
• The Constant Parent: how to invite the travelling parent to parent with you
• The Travelling Parent: how to nurture your relationship with your children
Reconnecting and Transitions
Workbook
• Managing Transitions
Workshop recordings with workbook
• Reconnecting after a work trip
Emergencies and Dangerous Locations
Top Tip Sheet
• Dangerous Locations
Workshop Recording with workbook
• Dealing with emergencies using my 'Be KIND' framework
Workbooks
• Split Locations: Taking the Decision
• Split Locations: What to prepare once the decision has been taken
⭐ 1x 30 Min one-on-one call with me for personalised support
⭐ A free copy of my book 'Holding the Fort Abroad'
Additional Individual Support
During these personalised sessions, you have the freedom and opportunity to talk about your life with someone who understands what you are living. You will not be judged for your choices or your partner’s choices. You will not have to explain why you are living geographically apart a lot of the time. If you are feeling stuck or overwhelmed, I will help you find a way to create a life that you want without dismantling the life that you have. We can creatively think of solutions together. These sessions are fully customised to your life so that you can strengthen your 5 pillars.
These sessions are for you if you are the partner at home or the partner who travels and you would like to strengthen your relationship with your partner and children.
⭐ 3 sessions of 60 minutes that can be used at your convenience over a year (starting from the date of your first session)
⭐ Email support between conversations.
⭐ Access to resources and tools generated from our session
Together we will look at the big picture of your life, untangle all the layers, and determine what you can put in place to support yourself and your family in this life.
I will draw on my research into split-location families, my own experience, and my coaching training to support you.
Program Options
Starter
Life time access to the resource center.
CHF 149
Supported
Life time access to the resource center
+ 6 monthly group calls (replays available)
+ 1x 30 min one-on-one call for personalised support
+ A free copy of my book 'Holding the Fort Abroad'
CHF 499
Premium 1:1
Life time access to the resource center
+ 3 individual 60 min sessions
+ Additional personalised resources, customised action plan or worksheet reviews
+ Prioritised support
+ A free copy of my book 'Holding the Fort Abroad'
+ Two payments of $650 usd available
BONUS: Access to monthly group calls if they take place during our time together
CHF 1300CHF 1125
Launch Special
Hi, my name is Rhoda.
I am a specialist in split family assignments and frequent business travel and their impact on family life. I help parents manage the stress and disconnect from living this life so that they can enjoy the growth and intention this lifestyle can bring.
International organisations (foreign service, military, humanitarian and private organisations) are increasingly aware of the specific requirements for staff and their families when on non-family duty stations. Through talks and workshops, I help organisations, such as the World Food Program, support their employees when they are regularly sent on international assignments from a month to a couple of years without their partners and children.
Having experienced both frequent work travel and a split family assignment from the point of view of the ‘holding the fort partner’, I have developed research based strategies to ensure that families can thrive and be “together even when geographically apart”.
I am regularly invited to share about the challenges, pitfalls of living as a family with a partner absent for work and I share insights into what can be done to live this life successfully on podcasts such as Nomadic Diaries and ‘Where Are You From? And Other Ridiculous Questions’. I am also part of the Global Family Library by Expat Valley.
