Resource Center
This resource center is here to help you navigate the challenges of distance with confidence. Whether you're looking for ways to stay connected, manage parenting from afar, or build a strong partnership despite the miles, you'll find practical advice, encouragement, and support to help you along the way.
PILLAR 1
Wellbeing
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Managing Intense Emotions and Reducing stress
You miss your spouse when they work away from home. You live with uncertainties, emergencies when apart and changing goal posts. This lifestyle is high on intense emotions, and it is vital you learn how to regulate them if you don't want to drown.
>> Download Top Tip Sheet on Reducing Stress <<
For the Holding the Fort Partner
Doing your own thing is vital for every partner I have ever spoken to. It helps to not feel 'left behind', it means you are developing your own skills and pursuing your own passions. Some manage to maintain full-time or part-time work, but it is hard when one parent travels or works away. Whether you just have a few minutes a day or are seeking to find your passion, here are some resources to help.
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Personal Development Plan
Time to be your own manager! If you already know what you are passionate about and are aiming to develop skills or a career, then complete the Personal Development Plan. Every year, managers meet their staff to do an annual review (management by objectives). The member of staff may have access to further training and aims to grow personally and professionally. If you are at home, you don't get that automatically. Fill out the Personal Development Plan now.
>> Download the Self-Guided Workbook << -
Planting SEEDS™ for Your Future When You Don’t Know What You Want To Do
If you don't know what you are passionate about, time to plant some S.E.E.D.S! Start with where you are now, Explore, Eliminate, Develop and Strategise! Listen to the recorded workshop and use the accompanying workbook to help you.
>> Watch the Workshop << -
Life Balance & Life Satisfaction Survey
This survey is specifically designed for this lifestyle. It is an exercise that we do in coaching. It is about taking a snapshot of where you are at in different areas of life, such as Career, Friendships, Financial Stability and so on. And then finding one or two ways to improve in areas you want to grow. IF you feel stuck in an area of your life, it will help you get unstuck. Take your snapshot now.
>> Download the Self-Guided Workbook <<
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Know How to Get the Help You Need
You can manage everything in your life, whether your partner is home or not, but you are carrying a heavy load, and YOU may be getting squeezed out. Asking for help starts with a mindset shift: you wouldn’t expect yourself to carry ten parcels just because you are able to carry each one individually. Shift from ‘I can do it all’ to ‘My dream team and I can do it all’. Delegate some of those parcels!
Download the self-guided workbook ‘when asking for help is hard’ to learn how to get the help you need.
>> Download the Self-Guided Workbook << -
Overcoming Resentment
Resentment can be a paralysing emotion, especially when it stems from feeling confined in an expat lifestyle while watching a partner thrive in their career. I have struggled with these feelings myself. I urge you to acknowledge those feelings of resentment and to seek support and engage in constructive dialogue with your partner, fostering a conducive environment for understanding and collaborative problem-solving. Read on how you can overcome resentment in your life and move on to a life free of this heavy weight.
>> Download the Self-Guided Workbook <<
PILLAR 2
Partnership
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How to Have a Strong Long-Distance Relationship
One of the dangers when one of you travels a lot or lives and works away from home is living separate lives. Communication gets harder, indifference and disconnect set in. Download the top tip sheet to strengthen your bond.
>> Download Top Tip Sheet << -
Cross Cultural Communication Course
Many expat couples are also intercultural couples. The differences in the way we communicate across family cultures or country cultures can show up when we are apart. and bring unnecessary conflict. This course includes 7 keys to improve communication specifically at a distance. Being raised in two different family cultures means that you are de facto in an intercultural relationship so every couple will benefit from this course.
>> Download Communication Course Workbook <<
Listen to the Introduction
Listen to Key 1
Listen to Key 2
Listen to Key 3
Listen to Key 4
Listen to Key 5
Listen to Key 6
Listen to Key 7a
Listen to Key 7b
Listen to Conclusion and What Next?
PILLAR 3
Parenting Together
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Parenting together Recorded Workshop
One of the risks of being geographically apart is that the away parent ends up not parenting at all, or very little. Or they only parent when they are home and the relationship might become strained if their parenting style is very different. Learn how to parent together despite the miles. Think one family. It requires more intention when you are not living in the same location, but it can be done.
Parenting together is a recorded workshop that will help you think about how you parent even when you are physically apart. The workshop is from both perspectives: the home-based parent and the travelling parent. Whichever one you are, the workshop will come from your perspective and the other parent’s perspective.
There are two workbooks that go with it. One for the home-based parent, the one with the children. It will help you figure out what you can do to foster the connection between the travelling parent and the child/ren. There is also a workbook for the travelling parent. This will show you how you can make sure you maintain the connection with your child and how you can develop a relationship with them, even from a distance.
This workshop can involve quite a lot of thought from each parent. You may want to pause it as you go through it, work in parallel on your accompanying workbooks, make notes and try things out as you go. I use the ICAN Model (Intentional Involvement, Consistency, Awareness, Nurturing) developed by Dr Ken Canfield. It works really well for parents who are parenting at a distance.
>> Watch the Workshop << -
The Holding the Fort Parent
How to invite the travelling parent to parent with you.
>> Download the Accompanying Workbook << -
The Travelling Parent
How to nurture your relationship with your children.
>> Download the Accompanying Workbook << -
How to Engage Your Child on the Phone
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Rituals to Foster Connections Before, After and During a Trip
PILLAR 4
Smooth Transitions
Reconnecting after a work trip can be frustrating. The family members who have stayed home have to get used to the parent coming home again, to their wants and needs, to the way they tidy up or move things around. The partner coming home is trying to reintegrate into home life when they've been living alone in a hotel room. Rhythms and habits might change, You might be doing this every weekend, every few weeks or after months of absence. You may be worried about what it is going to be like to reunite after a long period of physical separation, or weekends just don't give you enough time to reconnect, or you are exhausted from have to change rhythms every few weeks.
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Managing Transitions
Change is what happens to you, transition is your soul catching up. Use this workbook to identify the transitions you are experiencing (yes you may be experiencing more than one!). Pinpoint the skills you already have and those you want to develop to be adaptable and resilient.
>> Download the Self-Guided Workbook << -
Reconnecting After a Work Trip
What are the frustrations from both parents' sides when reuniting after being physically apart. What can be done while the parent is travelling to ease the transition back to home life, what can be done during those first days of being all together under one roof again? Listen to this workshop presentation and use the workbook to work through it for your own family.
>> Watch the Workshop <<
PILLAR 5
Emergencies & Dangerous Locations
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Dangerous Locations
Do you try and ignore the news, or do you binge watch for any information on where your husband or wife is working? As I’ve been giving talks on living abroad with a travelling spouse, I’ve been asked how I manage when my husband travels to dangerous places and I’ve also been asked what I would say to others. Well, here it is. I’ve summarised the top strategies from my own experience and from others who have shared. Use my top tips if you struggle that your partner lives (or is about to work) in a high-risk location.
I am not saying it is easy or that these strategies will make everything rosy. I understand what it is like. When I met my husband, he was posted somewhere where he needed a bodyguard. As we dated long distance and then got married, he continued working in countries that were at war. I’ve been practicing these strategies for over 20 years.
>> Download the Top Tip Sheet << -
Dealing with emergencies using my 'Be KIND' framework
BE KIND, the acronym that helps you be prepared for emergencies when you are not in the same location. Illness, loss and challenges do not wait for both partners to be together under the same roof. These disruptions can bring extra challenging times. Being prepared can make all the difference.
>> Watch Emergencies Webinar << -
BE KIND, the acronym that helps you be prepared for emergencies when you are not in the same location. Illness, loss and challenges do not wait for both partners to be together under the same roof. These disruptions can bring extra challenging times. Being prepared can make all the difference.
>> Download Emergencies Self-Guided Workbook << -
How to answer our children's questions when a parent is in a high-risk environment
Listen to this short clip of my interview with Dr Laura Anderson from Common Chord Psychology Services, as we talk about how to answer our children's questions when a parent is in a high-risk environment.
>> Listen to the Full Interview <<