Distance Parenting: How the ICAN Model Helps Families Stay Connected When One Parent Travels

Distance Parenting: Practical ways to stay connected with your children when travelling for work. Also how the at-home parent can support the parent-child bond with the physically absent parent

During my recent conversation with Daniela Draugelis on the podcast, we explored exactly these struggles. As the spouse of a World Bank executive who traveled over 100 days a year, Daniela has a wealth of lived experience and insight. One framework we talked about that brings clarity and actionable steps for families in this situation is the ICAN model, developed by Dr. Ken Canfield.

What is the ICAN Model and how can it help distance parenting?

ICAN stands for **Intentional Involvement**, **Consistency**, **Awareness**, and **Nurturing**. It’s a handy blueprint to help both parents—whether at home or away—stay actively engaged in their children’s lives, maintain strong family connections, and support each other as partners.

How can the ICAN Model help with Distance Parenting: Let’s break down each part of the model, using Daniela’s real-life examples to show how it can be put into practice:

**Intentional Involvement**

This is about making a *deliberate effort* to stay engaged, not leaving things to chance or waiting for your children to suggest calling the traveling parent. For instance, calendars can be used to prepare the children for their father’s absences by creating calendars with departure and return dates. For Daniela’s family, this visual tool made his trips more tangible and opened the door for daily check-ins and discussions about when Dad would be home.

**Tip:** Put a second clock on the wall set on the timezone of the travelling parent and speak about the travelling parent with your children. This sets the ‘we are one family’ narrative and involves the parent who is away in everyday life. 

**Consistency**

Repeating certain rituals or activities gives children a sense of stability even as circumstances change. Daniela’s family always dropped her husband at the airport and picked him up, creating a reliable “hello/goodbye” routine. Her husband also became the go-to parent for activities like fishing—a consistent way for him and the kids to reconnect each time he came home.

**Tip:** Choose a simple, repeatable activity for when the traveling parent returns, like a weekend breakfast, reading bedtime stories, or going on a family walk. Find a project that the travelling parent can be involved with when home and when away. This also helps with consistency. 

**Awareness**

Keeping the traveling parent up-to-date with what’s happening on the home front is crucial. It is important to share not just the logistics, but the little changes children go through—like what they’re interested in, challenges they’re facing, or new routines that have cropped up. This helps minimize the “disconnect” when a parent comes home and the kids have, say, moved on from pirates to Pokémon.

**Tip:** Maintain a running list or weekly update of what’s occupying the kids’ minds, funny things they’ve said, or important events coming up, so the traveling parent can feel part of the family dynamic (and not inadvertently become an outsider) and also re-engage smoothly when returning home.

**Nurturing**

Intentional nurturing helps maintain the bonds that distance threatens. Daniela found that building activities exclusively for her husband and the children—like fishing—kept their relationship fresh and gave them something unique to share.

**Tip:** Encourage the away parent to create small, nurturing moments: send a postcard, leave a hidden note, or record bedtime stories to be played while away.

Supporting Each Other’s Parenting

One powerful takeaway from Daniela’s story was the importance of not losing sight of your relationship as partners. When the focus is always on the children or logistics, time as a couple often falls by the wayside. But aligning regularly on values, parenting approaches, and simply having “us time” can help the family run smoother—and make it easier for each parent to transition in and out of home life.

Final Thoughts

The ICAN model isn’t a cure-all, but it offers a solid starting point for families facing the reality of frequent absences. As Daniela shared, no one gave her a playbook for this lifestyle—but structured approaches like ICAN can make the load lighter. 

By being **intentional** about involvement, building **consistency**, fostering **awareness**, and focusing on **nurturing**, families can stay connected, resilient, and supportive—even while navigating the challenges of living life with “one foot in the home and the other out the door.”

Listen to the full episode at www.rhodabangerter.com/podcast. If you want more real stories and practical frameworks for making it all work when you or your partner travel, you can find all episodes organised by topic, for example mothers who travel, fathers who hold the fort, real-life stories of split location couples, navigating long-distance relationships.